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One year ago, an unspeakable tragedy happened in Oldmans Township, New Jersey. The Gaudreau brothers, Johnny and Matthew, were out together for a bike ride when they were both struck and killed by alleged drunk driver Sean Higgins. Higgins still awaits trial.
Gaudreaus: A loss on many levels
This was a hockey tragedy, yes. Johnny Gaudreau was a world class NHL player. Matty brought value to his teams in the ECHL and AHL. Meanwhile, they never failed to give back to the game. They were great with young players. As a South Jersey resident myself, I saw the brothers in action. They were naturals. There was no “star” complex, even with bonafide NHL star Johnny.
Nevertheless, the real tragedy here was not about hockey. It was — and still is — about parents losing two sons in the blink of an eye. It’s about two young wives losing their husbands. Most of all, it’s about two very young children losing their dads. Those are things that hurt the most to think about. It hurt then, it hurts now. It’ll forever hurt that family and all who know them.
Away from hockey, I have friends who work in law enforcement and media. I first heard about what happened hours before it went public. Grown adults were shaken to their core. It’s human nature that he first reaction is always denial. You cling to hope that, somehow, the info is wrong. That’s how the mourning cycle starts.
We’ve all heard it before: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. It’s acceptance of reality, not approval. Acceptance doesn’t mean you’ve healed. There are some wounds that never fully heal.
We don’t stop feeling the loss. Likewise, we can’t pretend the scars don’t exist. We just have cope with the “new normal”, whatever that may be.
No expiration date
We have no right to tell the Gaudreau family members, then or now, how to process their grief. The victims in this tragedy are the entire Gaudreau family, both together and as individual people.The law will judge the driver one way. The victims have their own process. It doesn’t have a calendar day attached to it. There’s no expiration date, unfortunately.
I do, however, want to say something about anyone that treated this tragedy as something to exploit.
There were a couple — thankfully not many — wannabe “reporters” who cared more about trying to put out an internet scoop than making sure all the key details were officially confirmed first by authorities.
Some called that behavior amateurish. No, that’s not just amateurish. Likewise, it’s not a mistake of judgment. It was predatory.
It doesn’t take years of journalism training and experience to know why reporters need to wait until the firsthand details are confirmed. These are human beings involved. The lack of empathy was astounding.
Forget about what genuine pro journalists think of you. Hell, even forget about the pain of John and Matty’s many friends in and away from the game. If you can’t put yourself in Guy and Jane Gaudreau’s shoes or Meredith and Madeline Gaudreau’s shoes, you haven’t just failed as a “reporter”. You’ve failed as a human. Make sure the key details are confirmed. At least find out if the family has already been notified before you go public with something like that.
The Gaudreau family pay kindness forward
People react to grief and pain in different ways.Johnny and Matty’s deaths hit home on so many different levels. This could have been anybody. Life each day is never guaranteed for anyone. Ultimately, the best we do is be grateful for what we have and try to pay it forward.
Meanwhile, please consider supporting the John and Matthew Gaudreau Foundation. If you can’t give a monetary donation or personally attend fundraising events like the Gaudreau Family 5K in Sewell or the golf fundraiser in Ohio or the golf event that just took place in New Jersey that’s quite OK. Just keep the brothers and their family in your thoughts. Take care of those close to you. Take care of others. That’s plenty.
Let’s end this on another positive thought. Sport has the power to help people cope. More than the game itself, sport helps people bond. Meanwhile, sports can make others smile when they need it most. It’s a much-needed break from whatever else goes on in life.
